When you get back home to Brooklyn, Nebraska or Lund shit hole in Sweden for a good ole family Christmas, you’ll have to pretend that you’re in touch w/ the parisian hip crowd in front of your high school buddies. Here are some tips on the Parisian hipster clothing scene. You better act quick, because some brands are probably going to die out in the next few months

#1 Pigalle: The safe bet, run by Le Pompon Crew.
What to buy: Classic hoodie w/ Pigalle logo
Who wears it: Rihanna, ASAP Rocky, Dwayne Wade
Where to buy: Pigalle Shop, 7 rue Henry Monnier, 75009 Paris
Odds of getting a BJ back in BK: 99%
http://instagram.com/pigalle_ashpool

#2: CHMPGN: Dress like a DJ. Supported by superstar DJs Brodinski and Yuksek
What to buy: The CHMPGN cap
Who wears it: Iggy Azalea, Brodi, Yuksek, Cashmere Cat, The Shoes
Where to buy: Colette, 213 rue Saint- Honoré, 75001
Odds of getting a BJ back in BK: 60%
http://chmpgn.fr/
http://instagram.com/chmpgn_officiel

#3: Defend Paris: The Bad Boy touch, run by Madonna’s boytoy
What to buy: The Black Hoodie w/ the AK47 airsoft
Who wears it: Madonna, Rihanna, Chris Brown, Steve Aoki
Where to buy: Online
Odds of getting a BJ back in BK: 45%
http://shop.defendparis.fr/
http://instagram.com/defendparis

#4: Tealer: Weedy Booty Shake
What to buy: Weed inspired twerk leggings
Who wears it: Youtube twerking teenage sluts
Where to buy: 11 rue d’Alexandrie, 75002
Odds of getting a BJ back in BK: Buy it for your GF and get a blowjob
http://tealer.fr/
http://instagram.com/wearetealer

#5: BWGH: For posh hipsters
What to buy: Brooklyn Parle Français sweaters
Who wears it: Kid Cudi, Busy P, Goodie Goodie hipsters from West Paris
Where to buy: 11 rue d’Alexandrie, 75002
Odds of getting a BJ back in BK: 40, but 75% in Upper East Side
http://www.bwgh.fr/
http://instagram.com/bwgh