If you’re in Paris for New Year’s, over family dinners and don’t have any rich friends with a decent flat to crash, you’re probably destined to stay at your best friend’s, drink cheap beer with no girls and watch the usual X-MAS/NYE movies like Home Alone or Air Bud (you know, that dog that plays basketball).

Buuuuuuuut we’re here to save you! We’ve come up with a selection of the best places to ring in the New Year and spend all that money you got back from refunding your X-MAS presents! Now get out there and find someone to make out with when the clock hits midnight.

Countdown please… here’s the official Ten Days NYE in PARIS 2K14 party guide!

Questions or personal suggestions?

Send us a tip: nye2014@tendaysinparis.com

TEN DAYS TOP PICK! Baron NYE 1984/2014 Party at le Fantome
EXPECT: Le Baron Crew, arcade games, and live DJs
BUFFET:  Oysters, foie gras & pizza
HOW TO DRESS: 80’s, like Marty McFly…
WHERE: Le Fantome, 36 rue de Paradis, 75009
COVER: 50€ all-you-can-eat buffet and a glass of champagne / 30€ entry and a glass of champagne
RSVP: nye2014@tendaysinparis.com
ODDS OF A 2013 HAPPY ENDING: 90%
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The Bling Bling Pick: Gatsby New Year Party at 79 Club
EXPECT: #DomPe magnums, saudi, burlesque dancers
BUFFET:  Nope, only magnums
HOW TO DRESS: Super slutty
WHERE: 79 Club, 22 rue Quentin Bauchart, 75008
COVER: 50€
ODDS OF A 2013 HAPPY ENDING: 75% if you buy a magnum / 100% if you are a slutty Russian model

The Members Only Pick: NYE at Silencio
EXPECT: Fashionistas, avant-première of “Nymphomaniac” by Lars Von Von Trier, Jean Nipon DJ Set
BUFFET:  Maison Boutary Caviar, new cocktail menu
HOW TO DRESS: Tuxedos
WHERE: Silencio, 142 rue Montmartre, 75012
COVER: Members-only before midnight / no cover after midnight
ODDS OF A 2013 HAPPY ENDING: 70%

The Berlin Lovers Pick: BLANK NYE WAREHOUSE PARTY BY DIE NACHT
EXPECT: Minimal electro, Berlin scene, hipsters
BUFFET:  Nope, only vodka-orange
HOW TO DRESS: No dress code
WHERE: A warehouse in Montreuil (suburb)
COVER: 30€
O ODDS OF A 2013 HAPPY ENDING: 70% for a BJ in the backyard

The Electro Kid Pick: NYE WITH BAKERMAT AT ZIGZAG
EXPECT: Bakermat, kids hyped up on electronic music
BUFFET:  Nada
HOW TO DRESS: No dress code
WHERE: ZigZag, 32 rue Marbeuf, 75008
COVER: 50€
ODDS OF A 2013 HAPPY ENDING: 60%
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The Pigalle Pick: NYE at le Carmen
EXPECT: DJs of le Carmen and their friends
BUFFET:  Ice cubes
HOW TO DRESS: Beanie and Canadian tuxedo
WHERE: Le Carmen, 34 Rue Duperré, 75009
COVER: 0€
ODDS OF A 2013 HAPPY ENDING: 80%

The Molly Enthusiast’s Pick: CONCRETE NYE
EXPECT: Minimal music, MDMA
BUFFET:  MDMA
HOW TO DRESS: No dress code
WHERE: 69 Port de la Rapée, 75012
COVER: 25€
ODDS OF A 2013 HAPPY ENDING: 60%
Facebook Event

The Golddigger Pick: Club Chic New Year Eve at Pershing Hall
EXPECT: MILFs, sugardaddies, Berty, golddiggers…
BUFFET:  Sold out
HOW TO DRESS: As bitchy as you can…
WHERE: Pershing Hall, 49 Rue Pierre Charron, 75008
COVER: 50€ entry and a glass of champagne / 250€ entry for 4 people and a bottle of champagne / 350€ entry for 6 people and bottle of alcohol
ODDS OF A 2013 HAPPY ENDING: 70% with a 50 year-old dude, maybe even a friend of your father
Facebook Event

(Not in Paris) The Queer Choice: Mauvais Garcons New Year’s Eve → We Are Cabourg 2014 [at] Casino de Cabourg
EXPECT: Gays and friends of le Baron
BUFFET:  None
HOW TO DRESS: Tuxedos and thongs
WHERE: Casino de Cabourg
COVER: 25€ entry and a drink, 120€ bottle
ODDS OF A 2013 HAPPY ENDING: 100% for men looking for men.