You finally broke up with the next Russian Keira Knightley you met last year during the film festival (which turned out it to be just a make-up assistant). New Cannes, new resolutions. #Cannes2014 is your Film Festival and you don’t want to waste it : top career opportunity, new lover and your chance to be the dancing queen !
Here are the signs that prove you’re making it big in Cannes :
1) You’ve been scanning gossip blogs to bag a newly single starlet : (if some random French dude could bang and settle down w/ Scarlet Johansson after a party at Le Pompon, then might have my chance w/ Selena Gomez)
2) You already called you’re favorite fashion PR rep to beg him to lend you a tuxedo
3) You already booked your Tuesday night to see Booba live on the #villaschweppes boat
4) Your rehab is still on, but you plan on pulling a “Lindsay” the 14th
5) This year you’re actually renting a flat and not crashing at your great aunt’s flat 45 min walking distance from La Croisette
6) You plan for once to not get hammered on Thursday night at Albańe/Silencio/Baron/someone’s hotel room, but to last till the end of the festival
7) The only time you’ll watch “Le Grand Journal” this year is from the backstage on the plage du Martinez…
8) You plan on hanging out more at LA CHAMBRE NOIR Belvedere to try and become friends with Theophilus London and his crew
9) You’re thinking about coming out and finding a sugar daddy, although we don’t think Bryan Singer is in competition this year
10) After acting in a Nivea ad and some reality-TV, you’ve convinced yourself that spending 5k partying at the Silencio-Alabane-Baron during #Cannes2014 will get you noticed by Tarantino
And 2 more, because we Cannes :
11) You’ve been brushing up on your casting couch moves on Porn Hub => and now you’re ready for the big time
12) You erased all your Facebook friends who only started talking to you 3 days before the Festival
